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Trump and the Art of Deal or No Deal

King Jong Un, for all his megalomania, is no fool. It’s obvious for anyone with half a brain to see, that he’s playing Trump like a banjo. If there is any deal cut at the upcoming summit, imagine the tune from Deliverance and the Dear Leader asking Dear Donald to bend over and squeal like a pig.

Yet if you listen to Fox News or read any of the right-leaning tripe that passes for news outlets the world over, you’d think Trump has just pulled off the greatest diplomatic stroke since Captain Picard hired a Klingon* as part of his crew on the USS Enterprise. They’ve even gone as far to say on Fox News, that the Golfer-in-Chief should be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Aye, this is the world we’re living in.

Their premise is based on the announcement from Pyongyang that North Korea will suspend all nuclear and missile testing. Let’s disregard the fact that Kim previously announced that his regime had already acquired the nuclear capability they desired. Before even riding in on Air Force Seabiscuit to meet “Rocket Man”, General Custard and his cavalry of hardline xenophobes have saved all the lovely white people from the nasty savages from the east.

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We know Trump is the master negotiator. He’s told us often enough about his best-selling book “The Art of the Deal”. However, we never knew he was this proficient at closing a deal. If negotiation was just about saying you would show up to a meeting, hell, we’d all be living in gold-plated towers and owning a few bankrupt casinos.

You know deep down he’s lying in his dorito-crumbed bed at the White House, watching Fox and Friends and gently rubbing himself at the magnificence of his achievement. You’re also aware that he believes, in his own head of course, that he has singlehandedly resolved the decades old Korean War. And you can bet your house on the fact that he wants a Nobel prize so badly because the “Kenyan” was awarded one.

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In fact, this is probably his main driving force in making the decision to meet with Kim. After almost a year and a half of destroying Obama-era policies, what better now than to surpass the personal achievements of his predecessor. It’s like “keeping up with the Jones'” only with million-dollar prizes and nuclear bombs. Who knows? Maybe he needs the prize-money to silence a few other Playmates or his inevitable divorce when he’s booted out of office.

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What the rest of the world realises is this: Kim hasn’t offered to de-nuclearise. And he’s not about to throw the baby out with the bath water just yet. He might be a few sandwiches short of a picnic himself but compared to Trump, he’s the Roadrunner. The awards ceremony will have to be placed on hold for  the time being.

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Deal or No Deal, Donald?


*Don’t quote me on this Trekkers – I’ve no idea about the intricacies of politics in the Trek universe.


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