The FBI in the Washington D.C. have confirmed that they arrested a serial flasher in the early hours of this morning. The accused, whose name is yet to be released, was apprehended after concerned members of the public reported a man repeatedly flashing his penis on Pennsylvania Avenue and on Twitter.
Bud Wiener, spokesman for the local FBI field office, refused to divulge the identity of accused when questioned by reporters. However, his statement of the arrest painted a picture of man suffering from a severe psychological disorder:
“At 3am Eastern Time, agents from the local bureau of the FBI were called to a residence on Pennsylvania Avenue after receiving a tip-off about an elderly gentleman, naked from the waist down and clutching his nether regions, screaming “fear my shiny, smart missile” over and over again out his bedroom window.
“Agents at the scene requested the individual to desist from his action but he initially refused, stating loudly whether they knew who he was and he would arrange for someone to “fire their ass.
“Shortly before agents entered the building and arrested the accused for public disorder offences, he sent a picture of his penis via Twitter to Ms Meghan Markle with the caption “Get ready Windsor! My missile is coming. Nice and new. For YOU.”
It’s understood that the accused was apparently upset at not receiving an invitation to the upcoming Royal Wedding on May 19th in the United Kingdom. An eye-witness, who was out walking their dog when the incident occurred, described the accused as behaving like a spoilt toddler as he was taken away for questioning. She stated the behaviour became worse after his phone was removed from his possession.
As yet, there is no clarification from the FBI as to what the charges will be although it’s been revealed that this is not a first offence for the accused. Lawmakers are expected to confirm that threatening a nation state with destruction whilst masturbating is likely to form part of the rapsheet.